Seth Meyers' Opening Monologue at ESPYs

Seth Meyers hosted the ESPYs Wednesday night for the 2nd straight year. His opening monologue was perfect. He killed it. He was like Casey Anthony around 2-year-olds. Too soon? Or not soon enough? In case you're wondering who the chocolate hottie standing next to Dirk is in the above picture well it's his Swedish girlfriend Jessica Olsson.

Meyers ripped on pretty much everyone in sports including: LeBron James, Brian Wilson, Vancouver, Brian Cardinal!, Mark Cuban, the Nets and Michael Vick.

All of the jokes were pretty funny but my favorite was: "Yao Ming announced that he's retiring from basketball. Or that he's re-tiling his bathroom. It's really hard to say." Making fun of how Asian people speak gets me every time. Or actuarry ristening to them speak.

Oh yeah, then there was Brian Wilson wearing a spandex tuxedo suit and again trying wayyyy too hard. We get it, you're fit for a straitjacket. He's fucked three ways towards the weekend. And you wanna know what? I don't dig it anymore. It doesn't turn me on.

Seth Meyers Roasts "The Huffington Post" at 2011 White House Correspondents’ Dinner

I'm not even sure what channel C-SPAN is so I'm really glad YouTube exists so I can not spend my Saturday night watching young democrats make environmental jokes at old democrats. Just because it's my job to provide you people with awesome content I watched 2011 White House Correspondents' Dinner where Seth Meyers basically turned it in to a Comedy Central Roast. There was one part I actually laughed out loud over and this was it:

Yeah, fuck "The Huffington Post"! Actually, hang on. Arianna Huffington just sits back day-after-day while other people do the work and make her money. Sounds like my kind of woman!