Vancouver Riot Nut-Shot

Alright, this video might be better than the last one and at the rate we are going with coverage from these riots I wouldn't be surprised to see 10 more top it before this is over. This video is pure perfection: a) there's nothing better than seeing someone else take a nut-shot b) it's from a flash bang c) it's in slow-mo.

Guy Falls Into A Car Fire During Vancouver Riots

Could this be the best video/gif combo of all-time? Rhetorical!

Ridiculous Riots After Game 7 Loss in Vancouver

"Riots" is actually an understatement. This is more like "There's nothing else to do in Vancouver besides hockey and now that we lost the most important game in our franchise's history let's burn down and destroy the entire city". It's good to see that Vancouver is handling the loss really well though. Maybe Luongo will just burn down with the rest of the city instead of someone finding him from his shower rod in the morning. Twitter is being flooded with pictures and videos of all the riots and acts of stupidity going on in Vancouver right now so I will continue to update this post as they come in. Enjoy.

P.S. I started this post with my personal favorite of all the pictures I've seen so far. "Look 'ma, I'm in front of the FIREEEEEE!"

Vancouver Canucks Hockey, Everybody!

5:33 into the 3rd period, with the Canucks down 3-0 and feeling very very frustrated, Jaanrik Hansen delivered this Matt Cooke-esque cheap shot that is completely unnecessary and just plain pussy:

Canadien hockey, everybody! Enjoy the off-season Sedins! But remember, stay out of the sun.

This is Why Canada Sucks

C'mon bro, that shit is upside down. If you're gonna belt out the national anthem and shake this towel on national television at least try not to like the idiot we know you are. We all get that you're Canadian but this is bad even for you. This is the Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals! This isn't adult summer beer league. Maybe you're just symbolizing how we might find Roberto Lebrongo (best nickname of all-time?) tomorrow morning if the Canucks lose this game - hanging upside down dying a slow death from blood rushing to his head.

Roberto Luongo Sucks

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The measure of how good you are in the playoffs is how good you play on the road. Or if you can back up your trash talk. And Roberto Luongo has done neither. In 3 games in Boston, Luongo has given up 15 goals. Let's not even forget that those 15 goals were in only 112 minutes which is just over 5.5 periods of play. At home in the Stanley Cup Finals Vancouver has won 3 games by a combined total of 3 goals. In Boston, the Bruins have won 3 games by a combined total of 14 goals.

I will end this with Luongo's trash talk after Game 5 that he couldn't back up.

"It's not hard (to stop) if you're playing in the paint. It's an easy save for me, but if you're wandering out, that's going to happen."

NHL Playoff Predictions - Conference Semifinals Edition

The 2nd round of the NHL playoffs started yesterday with the Vancouver Canucks beating the Nashville Predators 1-0. Since I went 7 for 8 in my first round predictions I'll put on my Miss Cleo hat again and give you my round 2 predictions. I'll also copy the analysis I did before round 1 for the teams that are still alive.

East:

1. Washington Capitals: The Capitals haven't had much playoff success lately and have never won a Stanley Cup. In 2008 they were a 3 seed and trailed the 6 seed Flyers 3 games to 1 but forced a game 7 which they lost in OT. In 2009 they were a 2 seed and trailed the 7 seed Flyers 3 games to 1 but ended up winning 3 straight to win the series. Last year they had the top seed and led the Canadiens 3 games to 1 but shit the bed and lost 3 straight and the series. Until this team actually goes on a deep postseason run I'm staying away.

2. Philadelphia Flyers: This team is limping into the playoffs, with a 3-4-3 record in their last 10. I'm not a big believer in this Flyers team but they were 1st in the East for most of the season. They made the finals last year when no one expected them to get out of the first round so I'm not one to bet against them. They might even get Chris Pronger back sometime in Round 1. That's a big "might". As big as Kim Kardashian's ass. Too easy.

3. Boston Bruins: They were the most "unexciting team that won a lot of games in the regular season". If Tim Thomas can get hot he can carry this team. They have a shut-down defense which wins in the playoffs. Some one is going to have to step up and score goals for this team or it will be a short lived playoffs for them.

5. Tampa Bay Lightning: They are the NHL's version of the Oklahoma City Thunder. They have a young stud, people don't expect them to win and they just might surprise people. The Lightning have a mix of ridiculous young talent and veterans who have won in the playoffs before. That can be dangerous. The only question is their goaltending. Dwayne Roloson has been deep in the playoffs before but he is 41-years-old.

West:

1. Vancouver Canucks: They were the best team in the regular season. They have the Sedin brothers. They have an awesome goalie in Roberto Luongo. What else do you want me to say? How about, they never perform in the clutch in the playoffs. How about, one of their best Centers, Manny Malholtra, got hurt on March 17. How about, they have never won a Stanley Cup. How about I just say this - this team is the best team in the NHL.

2. San Jose Sharks: This team always seems to choke in the playoffs but they are loaded with talent. Let's see if that can finally pay off.

3. Detroit Red Wings: The Red Wings have more playoff experience than Jenna Jameson does at making pornos. Never bet against that. Who bets on pornos anyways?

5. Nashville Predators: They traded for Carrie Underwood's husband, Mike Fisher, on February 10. She just so happens to live in Nashville. I like this team. It plays playoff hockey, scoring goals when they need to but also playing great defense. They also ended the regular season on a 7-2-1 run. They've lost in the first round 5 straight times so they have to win sometime, right? Right?

2nd Round:

1 Washington Capitals vs. 5 Tampa Bay Lightning (Lightning in 7)

2 Philadelphia Flyers vs. 3 Boston Bruins (Bruins in 6)

1 Vancouver Canucks vs. 5 Nashville Predators (Canucks in 5)

2 San Jose Sharks vs. 3 Detroit Red Wings (Sharks in 7)

Conference Finals:

3 Boston Bruins vs. 5 Tampa Bay Lightning (Bruins in 5)

1 Vancouver Canucks vs. San Jose Sharks (Canucks in 6)

Stanley Cup Finals:

1 Vancouver Canucks vs. 3 Boston Bruins (Canucks in 6)

Some notes:

The Caps might have beaten the Rangers 4-1 but I still don't trust them winning in the playoffs until they go on a deep run. The Flyers didn't impress me in round 1. The Bruins lost the first 2 games on the road but then won 4 of 5 to take the series. Luongo looked lost until game 7 but redeemed himself and I'm sticking with him and the Canucks even though the Predators look like a tough out. The Sharks vs. Red Wings series might be the best one of this round and I'll be watching that one whenever I can.

Here is your conference semifinals TV schedule, courtesy of NHL.com and me for taking all of these screen-shots and formatting them for you. Yes, you're welcome:

Boston Bruins vs. Montreal Canadiens Game 7 Ending

Two of the most storied franchises in hockey met in a game 7 tonight. Of course it went to OT. Well first, with 1:57 remaining and down by 1, P.K. Subban scored this power play goal to tie it.

This game and game 6 were two of the worst officiated games I have seen so far in the playoffs. The Bruins were constantly getting trolled by the refs. With 2:37 left in the 3rd the refs made a ticky-tacky call (why do I keep using/hearing that this playoffs) that led to the Canadiens power play and eventual goal. Well 5:43 into OT this happened:

Sorry, Canada. You haven't won a Stanley Cup since 1993 and your only team left this year went 7 games plus OT vs. an 8 seed but don't worry, the Phoenix Coyotes will probably move to Winnipeg next year so....Well, yeah the Coyotes suck. The first round of the playoffs is finally in the books and the 2nd round schedule is set. I will be posting the schedule, match-up previews and predictions later tonight so you probably want to stay up to read those because I correctly predicted 7 of 8 series in the first round. Call me Mr. Cleo.

Taylor Swift Nashville Predators Commercial

Am I the only one rooting for the Predators to keep winning so that we have the opportunity to see some more Taylor Swift?

Playoff Beards!

Unfortunately I don't know half as much about hokey as Billy Blog does, hell I don't even know how to spell it! (See back I misspelled it intentional! Clever I know.) My favorite part about the playoffs is growing my super awesome playoff beard and making fun of Sidney Crosby for growing pubes on his face and not a real beard like me. So instead of giving expert analysis on hockey like Billy Blog, I'm going to give my picks and post a super hot picture of Kate Beckinsale. Plus I like NBA way more anyway so I'll give an in-depth post of those match-ups later tonight once the playoff positions are locked.



Fuck she's hot.

1st Round:
Capitals over Rangers
Flyers over Sabers
Canadiens over Bruins
Lightening over Penguins

Canucks over Blackhawks
Sharks over Kings
Red Wings over Coyotes
Ducks over Predators

2nd Round
Caps over Canadiens
Lightening over Flyers

Canucks over Ducks
Red Wings over Sharks

Conference Finals
Caps over Flyers

Red Wings over Canucks

Stanley Cup Final
Red Wings over Caps

Basically I picked the Wings cause a good friend of mine is a Wings fan and he's always super grumpy when they lose. Plus I really like that Chrysler Detroit commercial. Anyways, NBA playoffs will be better.

2011 NHL Playoff Predictions

The NHL playoffs start tomorrow and it's not a real party until we give you our predictions that will definitely be completely, 100%, totally wrong. The Stanley Cup is the coolest trophy in all of sports. No, the Green Jacket isn't cooler than the Stanley Cup (for the one golf fan that will argue that). There's only one Stanley Cup. Every #winning player gets his name etched on it. Every #winning player gets to keep the Cup after the season to do whatever the hell he wants. I'd like to see Charl Schwartzel drink beer out of the pockets of his green jacket. Argument over. The NHL reseeds after each round so I'm going to re-do my predictions after each round if I don't get them all 100% correct. What's that? I won't have to re-do them? Yeah, you're right.

The NHL is my (Matt) Forte. I'm going to break down all the teams here for you in a quick summary. The Cliff Notes of the 2011 NHL Playoffs, if you will.

East:

1. Washington Capitals: The Capitals haven't had much playoff success lately and have never won a Stanley Cup. In 2008 they were a 3 seed and trailed the 6 seed Flyers 3 games to 1 but forced a game 7 which they lost in OT. In 2009 they were a 2 seed and trailed the 7 seed Flyers 3 games to 1 but ended up winning 3 straight to win the series. Last year they had the top seed and led the Canadiens 3 games to 1 but shit the bed and lost 3 straight and the series. Until this team actually goes on a deep postseason run I'm staying away.

2. Philadelphia Flyers: This team is limping into the playoffs, with a 3-4-3 record in their last 10. I'm not a big believer in this Flyers team but they were 1st in the East for most of the season. They made the finals last year when no one expected them to get out of the first round so I'm not one to bet against them. They might even get Chris Pronger back sometime in Round 1. That's a big "might". As big as Kim Kardashian's ass. Too easy.

3. Boston Bruins: They were the most "unexciting team that won a lot of games in the regular season". If Tim Thomas can get hot he can carry this team. They have a shut-down defense which wins in the playoffs. Some one is going to have to step up and score goals for this team or it will be a short lived playoffs for them.

4. Pittsburgh Penguins: Will Cindy Crosby ever come back? My guess is no. He hasn't played since January 5 and still isn't taking part in contact drills in practice. In other words, he has a huge gaping vagina. They are also without Evgeni Malkin who tore his ACL/MCL on February 4. It's going to be very hard for this team to make a run this postseason but I wouldn't bet against it considering their past postseason success. They had Crosby and Malkin for those runs though.

5. Tampa Bay Lightning: They are the NHL's version of the Oklahoma City Thunder. They have a young stud, people don't expect them to win and they just might surprise people. The Lightning have a mix of ridiculous young talent and veterans who have won in the playoffs before. That can be dangerous. The only question is their goaltending. Dwayne Roloson has been deep in the playoffs before but he is 41-years-old.

6. Montreal Canadiens: Well we should never count them out but this team is just boring and small. They can't score and are hurt on defense. The only reason they won last year was because Patrick Roy cloned himself and put a Jaroslav Halak jersey on. I don't see that happening again for them this year.

7. Buffalo Sabres: A week ago people were talking about who was going to bed the 6-8 seeds but the Sabres rode an 8-1-1 finish into the playoffs. Never doubt a team with one of the 5 best goalies in the NHL. The Sabres have that in Ryan Miller. They might not have much outside of that but in the playoffs that can win you a series.

8. New York Rangers: The Rangers might have beaten the Capitals 7-0 and 6-0 this year but Ryan Callahan, the heart and soul of this team, broke his ankle April 4. The Rangers have one of the best goalies in Lundqvist but when they knew the playoffs were on the line they lost, at home, to the Thrashers 3-0. They ended up beating the Devils 5-2 two days later but only got in because the Lightning beat the Hurricanes. As Lundy goes, so do the Rangers this series - which isn't a bad thing.

Check out the Western Conference analysis, Patrick Kane's hot sisters, predictions, plus video after the jump.

Patrck Kane has hot sisters. Especially the second one in on the left.

West:

1. Vancouver Canucks: They were the best team in the regular season. They have the Sedin brothers. They have an awesome goalie in Roberto Luongo. What else do you want me to say? How about, they never perform in the clutch in the playoffs. How about, one of their best Centers, Manny Malholtra, got hurt on March 17. How about, they have never won a Stanley Cup. How about I just say this - this team is the best team in the NHL.

2. San Jose Sharks: This team always seems to choke in the playoffs but they are loaded with talent. Let's see if that can finally pay off.

3. Detroit Red Wings: The Red Wings have more playoff experience than Jenna Jameson does at making pornos. Never bet against that. Who bets on pornos anyways?

4. Anaheim Ducks: When you have a team coached by Gordon Bombay and led by Charlie Conway, Adam Banks and Greg Goldberg in net you can make a deep playoff run (not to mention Julie "The Cat" Gaffney on the bench in case Goldberg stumbles). The combination of pure scoring, bashers and 2 shut-down goalies gives this team a great chance. Wait, wrong Ducks. I'll just let Yahoo handle this preview:

"The Ducks have one of the league’s best lines with Corey Perry, Ryan Getzlaf and Bobby Ryan. They have Teemu Selanne, still excellent at age 40. They have assets on defense with Lubomir Visnovsky, Toni Lydman and rookie Cam Fowler.

So what don’t they have? A healthy goaltender, for one. Jonas Hiller is fighting vertigo. Ray Emery has a lower-body injury, after coming back from hip surgery and filling in admirably down the stretch. Dan Ellis could end up starting Game 1. The Ducks need good goaltending, because they take a lot of penalties, don’t kill them well and give up too much defensively."

5. Nashville Predators: They traded for Carrie Underwood's husband, Mike Fisher, on February 10. She just so happens to live in Nashville. I like this team. It plays playoff hockey, scoring goals when they need to but also playing great defense. They also ended the regular season on a 7-2-1 run. They've lost in the first round 5 straight times so they have to win sometime, right? Right?

6. Phoenix Coyotes: Isn't this team bankrupt? The Coyotes are the definition of yawnstipating. They have the ability to win games in the playoffs but they face the Red Wings in the first round. Enough said.

7. Los Angeles Kings: Where's Wayne Gretzky when they need him? Oh yea, he's with that bankrupt team (see 1/8 inch above). Their best player, Anze Kopitar, tore ligaments in his right ankle on March 26. Their second leading scorer, Justin Williams, suffered a shoulder injury March 21 but will probably play in the 1st round, at under 100 percent. I have no confidence in this team.

8. Chicago Blackhawks: This team won the Cup last season but needed the Minnesota Wild to beat the Dallas Stars on the final day (after they lost to the Red Wings) to make the playoffs. They still have Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews but lost 10 other members of the Stanley Cup run. It wouldn't surprise me if this team won a series or two but I wouldn't bet on it.

1st Round:
1 Washington Capitals vs. 8 New York Rangers (Rangers in 7)
2 Philadelphia Flyers vs. 7 Buffalo Sabers (Flyers in 5)
3 Boston Bruins vs. 6 Montreal Canadiens (Bruins in 6)
4 Pittsburgh Penguins vs. 5 Tampa Bay Lightning (Lightning in 6)

1 Vancouver Canucks vs. 8 Chicago Blackhawks (Canucks in 6)
2 San Jose Sharks vs. 7 Los Angeles Kings (Sharks in 5)
3 Detroit Red Wings vs. 6 Phoenix Coyotes (Red Wings in 6)
4 Anaheim Ducks vs. 5 Nashville Predators (Predators in 7)

2nd Round:
2 Philadelphia Flyers vs. 8 New York Rangers (Flyers in 6)
3 Boston Bruins vs. 5 Tampa Bay Lightning (Bruins in 7)

1 Vancouver Canucks vs. 5 Nashville Predators (Canucks in 5)
2 San Jose Sharks vs. 3 Detroit Red Wings (Sharks in 7)

Conference Finals:
2 Philadelphia Flyers vs. 3 Boston Bruins (Bruins in 7)
1 Vancouver Canucks vs. 2 San Jose Sharks (Canucks in 6)

Stanley Cup Finals:
1 Vancouver Canucks vs. 3 Boston Bruins (Canucks in 6)

The Canucks are the best team in the NHL, by far. They are simply too talented not to reach the finals. They can score goals with anyone. They can can play defense as well/good (I'm not an English major) as anyone. They also have one of the best goalies. In the East, the Bruins have the makings of a team that will make a deep run. They grind out games with good goaltending and find ways to win. The Bruins might grind past the teams in the East but facing the Canucks they will be very over-matched.

Here is your first round TV schedule, courtesy of NHL.com and me for taking all of these screen-shots and formatting them for you. Yes, you're welcome:

When the NHL starting doing the "History Will Be Made" commercials I got goosebumps the first time I saw one. Every time I see one of these now I still get goosebumps. If these videos don't get you in playoff spirit I'm not sure what will.

And one just for pure nostalgia (because I love that sort of thing):

Blackhawks are Stanley Cup Champions

The best trophy in all of sports was awarded tonight and for the first time since 1961 the Chicago Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup. They took the NHL's 3rd best record into the playoffs and beat Nashville, Vancouver, San Jose and finally Philly to take home the cup. The Blackhawks rallied after a late game-tying goal by the Flyers to win the Stanley Cup in OT.

21 year old Patrick Kane did what every single young kid dreams of - score the Stanley Cup winning goal in overtime. It was a very anti-climactic finish because no one besides Kane knew the puck went in and the goal light didn't even go off. The puck slipped through Leighton's pads and into the far side of the net, getting lodged under the goal padding. Replay confirmed the goal and the celebration was on for Blackhawks fans.


Chicago captain, 22 year old Jonathan Toews, won the Conn Smythe Trophy - awarded to the best player during the playoffs and he continued the legendary tradition of being the first person to receive the cup as team captain. The Blackhawks finished off the Flyers in 6 games, winning the cup on Philadelphia's home ice. The Philly fans were their typical disrespectful selves as they booed throughout most of the post-game presentations. You don't boo the Stanley Cup presentation. You just don't. It's like letting your 4 year old kid drink beer at a baseball game. You don't do it...oh wait, Philly already did that too.


Enough of the Philly ranting - did anyone happen to see Jeremy Roenick cry after the game when he was talking about the Blackhawks winning the cup? He did play 8 seasons in Chicago without winning the cup but is that a reason to cry on national television as the broadcaster of the game? Video of the water works is below.

Stanley Cup Playoff Match-ups Are Set

The NHL Playoffs match-ups are set and I have listed them below, along with my predictions in parentheses. If you disagree post your picks in the comments.

1st Round:
1 Washington Capitals vs. 8 Montreal Canadiens (Capitals in 5)
2 New Jersey Devils vs. 7 Philadelphia Flyers (Devils in 6)
3 Buffalo Sabres vs. 6 Boston Bruins (Bruins in 7)
4 Pittsburgh Penguins vs. 5 Ottawa Senators (Penguins in 5)

1 San Jose Sharks vs. 8 Colorado Avalanche (Sharks in 4)
2 Chicago Blackhawks vs. 7 Nashville Predators (Blackhawks in 6)
3 Vancouver Canucks vs. 6 Los Angeles Kings (Kings in 7)
4 Phoenix Coyotes vs. 5 Detroit Red Wings (Red Wings in 5)

2nd Round:
1 Washington Capitals vs. 6 Boston Bruins (Capitals in 5)
2 New Jersey Devils vs. 4 Pittsburgh Penguins (Penguins in 6)

1 San Jose Sharks vs. 6 Los Angeles Kings (Sharks in 6)
2 Chicago Blackhawks vs. 5 Detroit Red Wings (Blackhawks in 7)

Conference Finals:
1 Washington Capitals vs. 4 Pittsburgh Penguins (Capitals in 7)
1 San Jose Sharks vs. 2 Chicago Blackhawks (Blackhawks in 6)

Stanley Cup Finals:
1 Washington Capitals vs. 2 Chicago Blackhawks (Capitals in 5)

That's right - I am picking the Washington Capitals as your 2010 Stanley Cup Winners. I am biased toward them but they have a solid team top to bottom and I think one of their 2 goalies will get hot next week. If all 4 of the top seeds in the East win their 1st round match-ups it will set-up a Capitals vs. Penguins, Alexander Ovechkin vs. Cindy Crosby showdown in round 2! I have the Bruins upsetting the Sabres which would mean the Caps would meet the Penguins in the Conference Finals if each were to keep winning.