Albert Pujols Returns From Injury, Is a Machine

St. Louis Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols returned to the starting lineup tonight just 17 days after he broke his wrist. That's absolutely unheard of. What's even more ridiculous are the things he has been doing since breaking his wrist.

ST. LOUIS – The day after Albert Pujols broke a bone in his left wrist, he asked his hitting coach, Mark McGwire, to do something that seemed utterly wrong.

“Mark,” Pujols said, “check my hand.”

Pujols extended it. He wanted McGwire to shake it. McGwire obliged, and to his surprise, Pujols’ grip was firm and strong. McGwire had come to expect certain things from Pujols. Not this.

“He’s a remarkable person,” McGwire said. “That’s all I can say.”

McGwire leaned on the back of the batting cage Tuesday afternoon. The heat was choking Busch Stadium. McGwire paid it no mind. Five feet in front of him, through a web of netting, Pujols was taking live batting practice for the first time since suffering the injury that was supposed to keep him out at least four weeks, probably more. That was 17 days ago.

Pujols lined a home run over the center-field wall, and then another deep into the left-field bleachers, and another down the left-field line, and another to the opposite field. McGwire chewed his gum.

I double dog dare you to name me someone who is more awesome than Albert Pujols. I texted a friend of mine an excerpt I saw from a Ken Rosenthal post (warning: all paragraphs are in one sentence form) yesterday about how Albert Pujols was machine-like and awesome a day after breaking his wrist. My friend's response was legen...wait for it...


...dary! Legendary. Text messages don't get any better than that. Pure perfection.

Tony Larussa Walks Out On Reporters After Cardinals Slow Start

Okay, first of all - by my count it took Big Boy Tony Larussa 22 seconds to take that stretchy band off his wrist. Was he drunk? Wait, don't answer that! That's still not an excuse. That one-armed surfer could do it faster.

No one is questioning whether or not Albert Pujols will hit, Tony. I think they are questioning whether the rest of the lineup made up of Skip Schumaker, Ryan Theriot, David Mr. Freese, LANCE BERKMAN and Yadier Molina will hit. In fact, I don't even think people are questioning whether those guys will hit as much as they are questioning whether some of them should be collecting social security and others should be in AA.

Ugg Boots For Men Poll:
The only thing those guys are going to hit this year are A) drunk chicks at the bar B) their wives C) the bottle D) the bottle part 2 E) the bottle part 3 F) there is no F.

Tony, I know deep down that you don't even expect this lineup to score runs outside of Albert Pujols solo shots and since that isn't happening you aren't even upset. All you really want is someone to go drink with right now and since the coolest player on your team (Matt Holliday) is in the hospital it's making you salty.

ESPN Announcer Accidentally Says "Shitty Field"

Just because every good baseball post needs a hot girl to go with it, I give you Adriana Lima in a bikini. She has been on St. Barts for a Victoria's Secret photo shoot and loves spreading her legs.


Most of you probably won't even get this far down on the page but oh well...back to baseball. At least ESPN knows the New York Mets and their ballpark sucks. Why can't people hit home runs there? I don't want to see David Wright hit doubles all day, I want home runs. Citi Field, home to the Mets, is ranked 26th on the HR per game list (ahead of only PNC Park, Safeco Field, Oakland Coliseum and Target Field - aka 4 of the other most boring teams in baseball). ESPN has decided that Alex Rodriguez's quest for 600 home runs is oh so important that they need to switch to every at-bat he has until he hits it. Why? The man has roided his way to 599, who cares when he hits number 600. Albert Pujols should do it in the next 5-6 years and that is when I will care.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. ESPN was broadcasting the Cardinals vs. Mets game when they switched to a Gayrod at-bat. When they switched back the ESPN announcer said, "A double for Alex Rodriguez, let's get you back out to Shitty Field." Of course he meant to say "Citi" Field but it must have been one of those Freudian slips. He said it, I was just thinking it! Everyone loves it whenever people curse on-air and it doesn't get bleeped. Enjoy.