Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy

I recently had my fantasy baseball draft and thought I'd impart some knowledge on you. If you've read this blog you know that we here at Ugg Boots For Men love Razzball. I drafted out of the 4 hole and, no homo, fell in love with that slot. I don't know much but I am an expert in fantasy baseball so you can either listen to me and win your league or ignore it and your team will turn into the Cavs and you won't pay attention to it by May. My league is a 12 team 5x5 set-up with C, 1B, 2B, SS, 3B, OF, OF, OF, UTIL, 4 SP, 3 RP, 7 Bench.


This year there are several SPs I am targeting later in the draft because I think they will be nasty. They are Daniel Hudson, Gio Gonzalez, Mike Minor (UPDATE: the Braves announced Brandon Beachy will get the 5th rotation spot instead of Minor so I'm drafting Beachy) and James McDonald. You'll notice that I drafted all of them because I want to win. Also, make sure you draft Tabata because he's going around pick 210 in Yahoo drafts and that's crazier than an offspring of Charlie Sheen and Gary Busey.

1 - Miguel Cabrera
2 - Matt Kemp
3 - Matt Holliday
4 - Jason Heyward
5 - Liriano/Gallardo
6 - Chris Young (if you draft the pitcher you deserve to lose)
7 - Elvis Andrus
8 - Mark Reynolds
9 - Max Scherzer/Brett Anderson
10 - Aaron Hill
11 - Soto/Napoli
12 - John Axford
13 - Jose Valverde
14 - Gio Gonzalez
15 - Craig Kimbrel
16 - Daniel Hudson
17 - Jose Tabata
18 - Edinson Volquez
19 - Edwin Jackson
20 - RP
21 - Bud Norris
22 - James McDonald
23 - Brandon Beachy

Like they say, "the draft can't win you your league but it can lose you it". If you draft this team you'll be well on your way to winning, duh. One of the rules I use on draft day is to not draft more than 1 bench hitter. Use this guide for your draft and thank me later, Drake.

Razzball Fantasy Baseball Daily Post - September 16

Every time I look for pictures to use in this post I always happen to stumble upon some recent ones of Heidi Montag at the beach which is fine because she has enormous cans. Last week she was in Costa Rica trying to surf and even with a fake ass that big (yes, she had ass implants) it isn't big enough to offset those funbags when she tries to balance. It is pretty widely known she takes a photographer everywhere to try and generate publicity about herself. I'm going to start doing that. The photographer will pretty much never leave my house but that's beside the point.

As always, be sure to check out Razzball and consider donating to their site.

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Hittin' of Troy

So far in this month of September, Troy Tulowitzki has 11 homers and 27 RBIs. This is Hungrybear9562 owning Tulo in a H2H league this month — It’s a DOUBLE HOME RUN! All the way across the sky! OH. MY. GOD. A double home run. Wait, is this a triple home run? No, it’s a double home run. It’s beautiful. *cries* The only thing ever holding Tulo back is health. If Tulo can stay healthy for an entire year… Well, look at his 2009 stats — 32 homers, 20 steals and a .297 average. Next year, he’ll only be 26-years-old and hitters tend not to peak until the age of 27. Yum with a double shot of gimme. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-4, still got love for him and am still willing to go to PTA meetings for Eric Young Jr. Jr., but it’s worth noting that he now has three errors in the last two games. Barmes may see more time in the 2nd half of games as a defensive replacement.

Jorge de la Rosa – 7 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks and his line looked even better before he left two men on for Beimel to let score. He gets the Diamondbacks next and I’d start him there sans hesitation. Or sansitation, for those that enjoy a good portmanteau.

Adrian Gonzalez – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and 2 homers. Now hit ten more homers before the end of the season and we’ll be cool.

Chris Young – Will start on Saturday vs. the Cards in The Lou. Would like this start better if it was in Petco. Young had a 7.82 ERA in Away games last year and 5.27 in 2008. Both years his home ERA was below 3. Unless you’re desperate, I’d let him pitch from my bench. Remember though, if he’s on your bench, don’t sit anyone short behind him.

Carlos Zambrano – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. I’m not a huge fan of Big Z, but he hasn’t thrown a bad start since he returned to the rotation on August 9th. Really should be owned in every league.

J.A. Happ – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks. He obviously wasn’t a sub-3 ERA pitcher. His luck was bound to run out in the landmark case of Sooner vs. Later.

Brandon Lyon – Well, the closer role in Houston got murkier yesterday. Lyon gave up a run and blew the save then Lindstrom came into the 10th and gave up two runs. Houston, we have a shituation.

Rickie Weeks – 2-for-5 with his 27th homer. Weeks has more RBI than Fielder and more homers than Braun. If I’d known that going into the year, I’d have put my life savings on the Brewers not making the playoffs.

Brian Duensing – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks. He was in last week’s borderline starters and next week’s is coming this afternoon. How’s dem apples? Delicious!

Kyle Drabek – 6 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners, 5 Ks. I would’ve loved to watch him, but my Direct TV cut out during the pregame (which is not pronounced like edamame). So going on the box score, looks like Drabek wasn’t fooling anyone. He’s young, doesn’t change how I feel about him for keepers or next year. To gaze at my Kyle Drabek fantasy, go there.

Brad Bergesen – 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. Even a broken clock is right a few times a season.

Jered Weaver – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 baserunner, 7 Ks. More incredibly, he actually got run support. A’la Vicki Lawrence as Mama, “Well, I’ll be!”

Russell Branyan – 1-for-3 with his 25th homer. All he does is hit home runs! No, really, that’s all he does.

Homer Bailey – Left the game with dizziness after allowing 3 earned runs and 5 walks. Hey, maybe Oliver Perez is dizzy.

Drew Stubbs – 2-for-3 with his 18th homer. You may want to put away sharp objects when you read this next line. According to ESPN’s Player Rater, Stubbs has been as valuable as Matt Kemp.

Jason Bay – Said he’s feeling great and free of any post-concussion symptoms, but he’s still not coming back this year. Canadians — Bay and Morneau — had a bad year for concussions. What’s it called when a Canadian misses extended time from work? A maple leaf of absence. *sad trombone*

Jenrry Mejia – Left yesterday’s game with a strain in his shoulder. Likely shutdown for the year. No word if the injury happened when he was trying to roll the R’s in his first name.

Wilson Betemit – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 2nd straight game with a homer. Yes, you should pick him up. Yes, now.

Mike Minor – 5 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. Really was just a victim of an ill-timed grand slam to Maxwell, who is one sexy piece of chocolate… Wait, wrong Maxwell. I’m still going to like Minor next year. I know, up the down staircase, Sandy Dennis, but that’s how rookies do.

Phil Hughes – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. I’ve been saying this for about a month now. You can do better than Hughes off waivers. Duensing, for instance. He’s been better.

James Shields – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. the Yankees. I was about to write how no one got sonavabenched because no one owns him but then I looked and saw he’s owned in 93% of leagues. Are you people crazy? He has a 1.41 WHIP and 4.86 ERA after this solid start. Even after this start, I’d drop him.

Dan Johnson – 2-for-3 with 2 homers. The Pride of Coon Rapids! (BTW, there was discussion in Minnesota about changing the name of this city. Some felt it was derogatory. I think it’s too vague. Change it to Coon Rabids.)

Emilio Bonifacio – 2-for-5 as he continued his hot hitting. Own players when they are hot. That’s my mottofacio.

Gaby Sanchez – 2-for-4 with his 18th homer. Not doing a whole lot, but now has two homers in the week, i.e., two more than Prince Fielder.

Brad Lidge – 1/3 IP, 1 ER. Kazaam, as he generated a save for Jose Contreras. Manuel changes his underwear more than he changes closers and that’s not a whole lot.

Raul Ibanez – 3-for-5, 2 Runs and 2 RBIs. Hitting well over his last ten games and worth riding while hot.

Gavin Floyd – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks. After the game, he tweeted, “I pitched. #sucky”

Chris Sale – 2/3 IP, 1 ER. Of course down 6 runs Ozzie pitches the guy who he just said was his closer. Of course he does! Why wouldn’t he? I will now don a potato sack and walk into traffic.

Jaime Garcia – Early yesterday, the Cards announced that Garcia would be shutdown for the year. Later in the day, the Cards announced he would be skipped one turn and be reevaluated. Much later in the day, I wrote this. Today, you’re reading it. Tomorrow is Friday. Yay!

Ryan Franklin – Heading home to deal with some personal issues. I know what it meant when a girl in high school would go home with ‘personal issues,’ so I’m guessing Franklin has cramps and/or is pregnant.

"

Razzball Fantasy Baseball Daily Post - September 15

The premiere of "Easy A", a romcom about a girl who pretends to bang dudes so that they can seem cool, was last night and a bunch of young celebs attended. Alyson Michalka is in the movie and came with her sister Amanda. Loyal readers of "the Boot" (my new nickname for the blog) might recall I posted about her new show "Hellcats" 2 weeks ago. Quick side note - 1st episode was above average and the 2nd episode airs tonight.

Back to the sisters - they are the kind of sisters who do everything together so I'm willing to bet they'd be down for a sweet threesome, which makes them even hotter than they already are. I mean look at them already holding hands with words like "tramp" and "harlot" pointing to them. Amanda (on the right in the picture of the 2 of them) looks like a horse but I'd still be down. Maybe that's why they cast her to be in the new "Secretariat" movie. I can't end this intro without mentioning that my girl T Swizzle was also at the premiere, looking extra skinny awesome.

As always, be sure to check out Razzball and consider donating to their site.

"

Closing Sale

Yesterday, Ozzie Guillen said, “Bobby’s not my closer right now, he’s not, I’m very happy with Chris Sale. I’m not saying (Jenks has) lost his job, I have to wait to see to put him in the game to see how he’s doing… It might take a little while, maybe one day, two days, three days… a week. Unless I find out Chris Sale is Asian, then I’m gonna make him work for it.” The last line was inferred. Sale’s been lights out since his call up — 0.57 ERA in 15 2/3 IP with 21 Ks. The manager says he’s the closer, so I’m gonna say Sale’s the closer. It’s obviously not as easy as that when Ozzie’s involved. The wind could change directions, Ozzie’s weather vane that’s labeled with Putz, Jenks, Thornton and Sale could spin and someone else could be the closer by tomorrow. As of right now, I’d grab Sale. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jimmy Rollins – Sounds like he’s done for the regular season, or at least until very close to the end of the year. Rollins said, “Studies show, even if it’s a mild hamstring, even though the doctors like to say 7-to-10 days, it’s usually three weeks.” Studies, yeah. Studies of Jimmy Rollins.

Cole Hamels – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 13 Ks. Hamels probably hasn’t gotten the recognition this year because of the low win total, but he has 201 Ks in 194 2/3 IP, 1.16 WHIP and a 3.01 ERA. That’s nothing to sneeze at unless you’re allergic to number one fantasy starters.

Albert Pujols – Apparently, there’s no DL in September but there is day-to-day after a cortisone shot to the elbow. He’ll probably be back today as his elbow told reporters, “Imma let Albert finish.”

Adam Wainwright – 8 IP, 5 ER, 13 baserunners, 8 Ks. He probably could’ve picked a better time to use my H2H team for toilet paper.

Hideki Matsui – 2-for-4 as he continues his hot hitting. At any moment, the Sciosciapath in the Angels dugout could bench a hot hitter, but I’d give Matsui a chance if you need some pop.

Mark Teixeira – Has been playing on a broken pinky toe since the end of August. Guess that explains why he had his stats kick me in the nads.

Mariano Rivera – How does he have a 1.33 ERA and only 30 saves? Seriously, dubya tee eff.

Josh Hamilton – Ain’t much of a limb at this point, but Hamilton’s owners will be lucky to see him play another 5 games this season. And, even in those games, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him get pulled early. Rangers have no reason to push him and won’t.

Shelley Duncan – Smashed two homers and 24 forearms.

Michael Brantley – 2-for-4 and has now hit in every game this month and only took four oh-fers in August. Cust kayin’.

Daniel Hudson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. If you haven’t heard, the Diamondbacks might move the fences or build a humidor in the offseason. So let me guess, Hudson’s gonna be on all of my teams next year? Don’t mind if I do!

Brian Matusz – Says he won’t miss his next start. Sure, why would the O’s rest one of their prized prospects with a sore tricep on his pitching arm? They’re going after a 100 losses.

Nick Markakis – Nick Bupkis hit his 10th homer yesterday. 10 homers, Markakis? Really? You suckakis.

Jake Arrieta – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks and is now shutdown for the year. Too bad, so sad.

Travis Snider – Him and his .289 OBP hit lead off yesterday. In related news, check Cito Gaston for a pulse.

Scott Podsednik – Out for the year with plantar fasciitis, which only sounds like something Mr. Peanut would get.

Clayton Kershaw – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks and the win with the Dodgers mustering only one hit and no RBIs. Did the McCourt judge freeze all their assets, including the Dodger bats?

Matt Garza – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER. One day, I’m going to run into Garza. This season will be in the books. This start will long be a memory. And I’m going to punch Garza in the mouth.

Gio Gonzalez – 2 IP, 7 ER. It sure rides like a Gio.

Mike Aviles – Now has back-to-back games with a homer and is hitting over .350 in the last week. Has good position eligibility for those hurting at MI.

Wilson Betemit – 3-for-5 with his 11th homer in 227 ABs while batting .313. Not a flashy name, but is currently hitting near .350 in the last week. Sing it, Vedder, “Can’t find a Betemit…”

Chone Figgins – 4-for-4 with his 39th steal. I have one thing to say about this stunod. Even if he gets his average up to .270 on the year with 40+ steals, the first five months are not excused.

Jed Lowrie – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers. After the game, he removed his face to reveal Dustin Pedroia.

David Murphy – 3-for-5 with his 10th homer. He also has 12 steals and is batting .288. He’s like a destitute man’s CarGo. That’s actually a compliment.

Chris Johnson – He took a steam for about two weeks after being hot for over a month. Now, he’s hitting again. Has 3 homers in the last 8 days and is batting *holds hand over mouth while speaking* …Okay, so he’s not hitting for a great average, but he’s hitting homers.

Bud Norris – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. It’ll be between Daniel Hudson and Norris as to who will be my fifth starter on every team next year like Jonathan Sanchez was this year.

Brandon Lyon – 1 IP, 1 ER and the save. This is coming a day after Lindstrom got a save and two games after Lyon gave up two runs.

Ryan Braun – 2-for-4 with his 21st homer. C’mon, Braun, save face and at least hit more homers than McGehee this year.

R.A. Dickey – 9 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. He’s only at 50% owned. He’s at a 2.80 ERA on the year. I know, I had hesitation about picking up a knuckleballer too, but you’re a little slow on the uptake at this point, no? Give him a shot already. As someone once said, “The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph.”

Carlos Beltran – Hit his 4th homer yesterday to go along with his 3 steals (not in yesterday’s game, though that wouldn’t be a record). He’s also hitting .236. Aren’t you glad you drafted him? He’s really paying off your patience. Oh, who am I kidding, anyone who drafted Beltran isn’t reading this. They’ve moved onto fantasy football.

Francisco Rodriguez – Charged with criminal contempt in addition to the assault charges. New charges stem from 56 text messages K-Rod sent his girlfriend. I skimmed through the texts and here’s a few of the better ones. First text, “If I text you, will you press charges?” Second text, “You get my first text?” 17th text, “Can you believe Omar Minaya traded away Heath Bell and signed me? Even I find that funny.” 23rd text, “I love pistachios. That is all.” 31st text, “I forget, did you sign me up for unlimited texting?” 45th text, “Where do you buy a meat dress? A fashion designer or a butcher?”

"

Razzball Fantasy Baseball Daily Post - September 14

The MTV VMAs were Sunday night and there were a lot of money babies that showed up looking extra money (that's like 3 drinks in the Swingers drinking game...I'll be putting a lot of effort into that site soon). One of my new favorites, Ashley Greene (aka Alice Cullen from Twilight), was there just being awesome and looking hot. She's not quite to the "Taylor Swift favorite" level but she's working her way up. If only she starting releasing really catchy songs... Every story I see about Ashley is pictures of her leaving the gym which is awesome, for obvious reasons.

As always, be sure to check out Razzball and consider donating to their site.

"

Joey Homerandribbieani

Yesterday, Joey Votto went 2-for-4 with his 34th homer and 14th steal. Tomorrow, the MVP. He didn’t have the biggest offensive day for all hitters yesterday, but he’s getting the lead today. Wanna know why? Cause I’ve been shot by Cupid and I love Joey Votto. True story, I walked into an ice cream parlor and asked for a Joey Votto. The guy behind the counter said, “I don’t know what you mean.” I punched him in his mouth. Here’s what I said last December, “If Votto continues to progress, you’re looking at a guy that could easily give you 32 homers, 10 steals and a .300 average. Want more? If you buy into Joey Votto for 2010, I’ll also throw in a climbing walk rate and OPS for absolutely free! Don’t want it? Who cares, it’s free!” And that’s me quoting me! Finally, know who I’m probably not going to be able to afford in 2011 drafts? Votto, my love! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jay Bruce – 3-for-4, 2 Runs, 4 RBIs and 2 homers as he lives up to his Septacular reputation. Last September, he hit 4 homers and .353 in only 34 ABs after not hitting above .258 in any other month. Had 7 homers in September of 2008. Play Bruce in the Venezuelan Winter League and he’ll win an MVP.

Derek Lowe – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks. Probably should’ve been the lead today with the game he threw yesterday. Eh, he’ll get over it. BTW, ever notice Lowe’s slogan is Let’s Build Something Together and Home Depot’s slogan is There’s Really Cheap Laborers In Our Parking Lot?

CC Sabathia – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks. On the front page of MLB’s ESPN coverage it said something like CC was chasing F-Her for the Cy Young. Someone besides Keith Law is voting for a guy with 11 wins? It would be progress, my hopes aren’t high.

James McDonald – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. Nothing like pitching vs. the Mess in Metco to help a guy realize his potential.

Dillon Gee – 6 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks. Yeah, still can’t recommend him. Was hit too hard in Triple-A for me to trust him this time of year.

Joe Blanton – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks. He gets the Nats on Sunday. Could be a game changer for those in H2H leagues.

Jayson Werth – 2-for-4 with his 21st homer. Assuming he stays in Philly, he’ll be undervalued next year because of a wonky RBI year he’s having. He’s hitting .098 with men in scoring position and two outs. That’s just fluky. If he plays somewhere else next year, all bets are off. Imagine he ends up in Petco. That gets The Gas Face.

Brett Myers – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks. I was actually able to pick him up in one league on Sunday. He has a 2.85 ERA on the year and he’s on waivers in a league with ‘perts. Makes little sense.

Matt Lindstrom – Got the save yesterday with Lyon pitching the previous 4 days. I don’t think it’s anything more than that but — and there’s always a but unless you’re an alien — Lyon did get hit the other day. They could share some saves down the stretch.

Chris Narveson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. He had a 2.48 ERA post-All-Star Break last year in 36 1/3 IP, most of which was in September.

Coco Crisp – 1-for-4 with 2 steals. Gotta love a guy who gets more steals than the times he’s on base. I can’t wait for the epilogue of Moneyball: The Movie when the white letters fade up over a black screen and reads, “Or throw out everything that came before this and steal some bases…” BTW, you know how you look up something in Google and end up on a 3 hour odyssey that always leaves you off in YouTube looking at funny kitten videos? That’s what happened to me when I Googled “Moneyball” + Coco Crisp. I knew he hadn’t appeared in the book (unless it was in the Acknowledgments where Lewis professed his love for the breakfast cereal). I was trying to get a grasp on people’s current thoughts on Moneyball. I think the emperor has no clothes, but I didn’t need Google to find out what I thought. I just needed to bang my head against my wall until my brain started working. If Michael Lewis wrote a book about me — say Razzballball: The Art of Wasting Time — he could make me sound like a hero. That’s how Michael Lewis do.

Brian Matusz – After being hit with a comebacker, Buck Showalter lifted Matusz from the game. Weird, cause Showalter doesn’t even look that strong. Matusz will be reevaluated today.

Brian Roberts – 2-for-4 until he was hit by a pitch and had to leave the game. Balls 2, O’s Brians zero. Roberts has actually been more productive than I thought he would in his return. I’m not a huge fan of old guys who rely on their legs, but Roberts may be a steal in next year’s draft. Pardon the pun, I’m lazy.

Evan Meek – Will get some save chances along with Hanrahanananan, according to John Russell, who is the Pirates manager, not the Christian name for a Jack Russell terrier.

Cory Luebke – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 5 Ks. That might’ve just opened a nine foot, ten inch hole for Chris Young to walk through.

Ryan Kalish – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in the last week (also has 2 steals) and is hitting around .350. Took a bit for him to find his footing, but keep in mind that he’s a solid prospect with 20/20 ability over a full season. Could be this year’s Rasmus next year, clear?

Jon Lester – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks. Now has 208 Ks in 190 IP. *Grey drools*

Yunesky Maya – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks. Maya culpa for even suggesting you watch this guy. Know there’s something in that arm of his because of the success he had in Cuba, but right now you obviously can’t start him anywhere.

Nick Swisher – He pinch hit yesterday, but he’s supposed to have an MRI on his knee today and will probably be out at least a few games. My guess is he won’t play until the weekend and even when he returns, he’ll probably be nursed like a big baby sucking on Billy Butler’s moobs.

Logan Morrison – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer and has now reached base in 33 straight games. Hello, I Love You.

Barry Enright – 3 IP, 5 ER. About four starts ago, I said, “Don’t believe the magic, Enright’s getting by on smoke and mirrors.” Therefore he doesn’t exist, so poof…vamoose son of a bitch!

David Price – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. Was there any offense yesterday? Why couldn’t all my hitters face Uncle Barry Enright?

Jaime Garcia – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. Last game, he got sabotaged, shellshocked, rocked and ruled. Day in the life of a fool. Overall, really hard to be too down on a rookie who is still under a 3 ERA in September.

Albert Pujols – 0-for-3, admitted to elbow discomfort, but said, “There’s no DL in September.” Though there is in calendar.

"

Razzball Fantasy Baseball Daily Post - September 13

Kim Kardashian posed for Playboy back in 2007 but only released pictures of her covering up the goodies. Honestly, what's the point of doing Playboy if you're going to cover up the only parts guys "read" Playboy for? It would be like if "Gossip Girl" got rid of all the hot girls. What would be the point of watching? What's that? Yeah, you're right...I would definitely still watch it (btw Season 4 starts tonight!). Anyways, 7 other photos from the shoot surfaced recently that show off her giant cans and furburger and she got really mad when it happened - and rightfully so. I mean it's not like she already has a sextape with a one-hit wonder black man all over the internet. For the rest of the realllllly NSFW leaked pics click here.

As always, be sure to check out Razzball and consider donating to their site.

"

Kyle Summoned North, Blame Canada

Kyle Drabek, the Blue Jays top pitching prospect, was called up to start on Wednesday vs. the O’s. Kyle Drabek is 24th on the top 50 prospects for fantasy baseball. He has top of the rotation stuff and a good pedigree with his dad being the former Cy Young winner, Doug. Or Guod if you’re dyslexic. Or “Hey, look a bird,” if you have ADHD. Well… Kyle Drabek had top of the rotation stuff. Now he looks closer to a number 2 or 3. His strikeout rate went from 10+ K/9 in A to 7+ in Double-A. Word on the street is his velocity is down. He’s obviously too young to write off. Velocity could return with the gaudy Ks. In keepers, I’d grab him in AL-Only, obviously. In mixed league keepers, it needs to be deep for him to have any real value. For this year, I’d be very cautious about starting him anywhere. In his first two starts, he gets the M’s and O’s, or the Mo’s. Not bad matchups, but starting rookie pitchers in the final weeks of the season is asking for trouble. You just have no idea what he’s going to do in his cup of coffee, he may or may not get creamed. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Adam Lind – 1-for-2 with 22nd homer. I’m sorry, I will like him again next year. I’ll love him if he can train with the guy who trained Zobrist in the winter of 2009 and Bautista last winter.

Desmond Jennings – 2-for-4 with his 1st steal in his 2nd start. Unfortunately, it’s taken two weeks to get two starts. If there’s any sorta keeper league where he’s available, you must own him. Or my name isn’t Grey Posdnuos Albright.

Jay Gibbons – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in the last 3 days. Crazy as this is, he’s the hottest Dodger hitter. They should show him jumping around on the Jumbotron and call him, The Rally Honkey.

Casey Coleman – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks. That’s nice, he’s still unownable.

Brennan Boesch – 0-for-1 with 2 steals. What the– Oh, Jake Fox was catching for the O’s. Unathletic like a Fox!

Brandon Inge – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer in the last week. In that time, he has a hit in all but one game and a steal. Wouldn’t say he’s the most exciting pickup, but what’s Pablo Sandoval doing right now? Yup.

Brayan Pena – 2-for-3 with a homer. Now hitting near-.400 in the last week as he plays every day with Kendall’s shoulder mercifully letting the Royals go younger. Pena has little power, but he’s never hit below .300 in 4 seasons of the minors.

Paul Konerko – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs with his 35th and 36th homers. He’s also hitting .322. Tomorrow… lassoing the moon!

Andres Torres – Going to miss about two weeks with an appendectomy. When doctors said Torres is going to have something useless removed from his body, everyone in the Giants’ clubhouse thought the same thing, “What is Aaron Rowand doing in Torres’ body?”

Mat Latos – 4 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks. Not sure who’s madder, his H2H owners for him picking the worst time to be terrible or the Padres fans… Actually, I’ve only heard Padre fans existed, I’ve never met any.

Chris Young – Threw 5 2/3 IP in rehab. He K’d Lindsay Lohan twice. The Padres will be happy to get Young back. Someone put the Tinactin on the top shelf and no one can reach it. Also, the Padres could use an innings eater. If Young gets starts, which I think he will, he’ll be worth using depending on the matchup.

Ian Kennedy – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. He now has a month of quality starts under his belt (and shot an elephant in his pajamas). Kennedy gets the Pirates next. That’s a “Yes,” and “Please.”

Justin Upton – Diamondbacks are shooting for an early this week return for J-Upside. Keep in mind that if one setback occurs, they’re not going to risk Upton’s future.

Milton Bradley – Shutdown for the season. Backdate that to March.

Josh Johnson – Didn’t need to be Nancy Reagan’s astrologer to see this one coming. Johnson’s not coming back this year.

Emilio Bonifacio – 3-for-4 with a steal. He’s now batting around .500 in the last week with three steals in the last three games. Bonifacio’s capable of about a two week hot streak. I’d get aboard in all leagues for the next week.

Mike Stanton – 3-for-4 with 2 more homers to bring his season total to 20 in 291 ABs. Bill James’ 2011 projection for him will be… 40 homers? 42? 45?

Clay Hensley – Three games, three saves. Should you pick him up? Do your pits smell like onions?

Cliff Lee – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Yankees. Nice audition, but Yankee rotation casting callbacks won’t happen until December.

Elvis Andrus – 1-for-3 with his 3rd steal in the last week. Borbon has 2 steals in the last ten games. Maybe Washington finally cut the brake line.

Josh Hamilton – MRI showed he has bruised ribs. Yeah, no shizz. Still no word when he’ll return, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s not until the final week of the season. Baby’s black balloon deflates.

Jordan Zimmermann – 3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K vs. the Marlins. That’s so bad I wouldn’t start him anywhere the rest of the year unless your shituation was dire. I mean, c’mon, Charlie Hough wearing a Wolverine Mechanical Claw from Toys R Us could strike out more Marlins.

Raul Ibanez - Hit a homer yesterday and is batting over .400 in the last week. Giraffe’s gestation period is shorter than it took Ibanez to get hot, but he’s there now.

Jimmy Rollins – Went for an MRI on his hammy while his owners feel like they got a yearlong whammy.

Johan Santana – No disrespect to our Al-Qaeda readers, but you had to be in a cave if you didn’t hear Johan’s headed for shoulder surgery. He may not even be able to make it back for the beginning of next season. Sounds a lot like Brandon Webb from this past preseason. Knowing the Mets, it’ll be announced that Johan will return by April 15th then he won’t pitch until July. I’m sure January Grey will have his take in the 2011 rankings. January Grey, “Stop with all the pressure!”

Coco Crisp – Has 7 steals in the last 4 games (6 steals against the Red Sox in the last three). Hello, V-Mart. Goodbye, 1st base.

Josh Beckett – 6 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks. Now has a 5.38 ERA on the year. His FIP is over a run under his ERA and his K-rate is over 8. It may not be glamorous to say, but I could see Red State Jeter having a bounce back next year.

Dan Haren – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. Has a 3.04 ERA with the Angels. Looks like he’s finally figured how to combat the 2nd half swoon. Just pitch terribly in the 1st half. Okay, close your eyes for a second. Don’t worry, I won’t pickpocket you. Now imagine Haren has a good 1st and 2nd half. Ahh…

Hideki Matsui – 1-for-3 yesterday, hitting near-.450 over the last week with pop. He then wrote a thought bubble above his wife that read, “Godzilla is so dreamy!”

"

Razzball Fantasy Baseball Daily Post - September 9

Fresh off the news that she made a lesbian sex tape with former playmate Karissa Shannon, Heidi Montag is vacationing in Costa Rica. She's been yapping about wanting to get her Gs taken down to a D or double D because they are preventing her from living a "normal" life. I hate to break it to her but her life before the enormous funbags was anything but normal. She also complained that she can't hug her dogs, wear normal clothes or exercise. One question - how the hell does she look like that if she can't exercise?!? I think the only reasonable answer is that she's either anorexic or bulimic. I just solved that mystery AND created another top notch story for the Enquirer to run with. Boom! Call me Sherlock Hilton (or Perez Holmes if you like that better).

As always, be sure to check out Razzball and consider donating to their site.

"

Duensing With The Devil

Brian Duensing continued his hellish streak with an 8 inning 1 ER, 7 K game. While he was able to strikeout 7 of the peasant Royals, his K rate has been around 5 per 9 inning for the past three years in the minors and majors. You know how many great pitchers get by with that type of K-rate? None. Though sometimes a pitcher can sell their soul for a year (see Scott Feldman 2009). Doesn’t mean you can’t throw some caution to the wind. When I was going over the borderline starter post that is coming later today, I noticed Duensing still isn’t owned anywhere. He has a 2.02 ERA in 107 2/3 IP. Seriously, you can look it up if you want… Though that might hurt the trust we’ve built over the summer. We used to be so carefree, me and you. Frolicking through dandelions, playing catch with that raccoon carcass. What about those times we had? Duensing gets the White Sox and the Indians in his next two starts. I would grab him but, and unless you’re an alien there’s always a but, he’s been lucky and he Ks no one, so know the risk. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Phil Hughes – Will have his next start skipped as the Yankees try to figure out the best way to limit Hughes’ innings while ensuring he gets no sorta rhythm going. In redraft leagues, you’re looking at three more starts from a guy who has been getting bombed recently. There’s gotta be better arms out there.

Ivan Nova – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. Speaking of better arms out there, I’d go with Nova ova Hughes.

Jimmy Rollins – Left the game when he suffered a bout of Middle Infieluenza. I’d say Rollins has really gone downhill fast, but to me going downhill fast kinda infers you’re picking up speed. Rollins is going uphill slow, and it ain’t pretty.

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-5 with another steal. How about you give me your password and I’ll pick him up for your team?

Troy Tulowitzki – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and 2 homers. Tulo legit 2 quit.

Aaron Cook – Done for the season with a broken fibula. No lie.

Cory Luebke – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks. In the grand scheme of things, Luebke looks like a fifth fantasy starter. In the last few weeks of the season, he looks like LeBlanc when pitching at home, which is an around-3 ERA, decent K starter. A hodgepadre.

Mike Napoli – Hit his 23rd homer then was pulled from the game for making Scioscia look bad for not playing him every game.

Daniel Hudson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. Now has a 1.91 ERA on the Diamondbacks. Yes, you should’ve picked him up a month ago. No, I’m not sure what you’re doing.

Marco Scutaro – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs and 2 homers, which he hit with a partially torn rotator cuff. Impressive since I wouldn’t leave my house with a partially torn Z. Cavaricci pants cuff.

Matt Garza – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER. Him and his stupid smugshot! Don’t fart in my face and say it’s cologne!

Russell Branyan – Hit his 4th homer in the last week. In September, he has 4 homers and 8 hits. In August, he had 7 homers, 17 hits and 12 RBIs. He’s a One True Outcome player, so I wouldn’t expect much more than homers, but he is providing those.

Coco Crisp – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and the slam & legs, which always goes well with cereal.

Jaime Garcia – 4 IP, 7 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks. The time to have a start like this was the week prior to the H2H playoffs, you stunod!

Brett Myers – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks. His ERA this year is… Wait for it… Here it comes… As soon as I put away my laundry… Okay, where were we? Oh, yeah, Myers’ ERA… Okay, let me just check on my turkey casserole then I’ll tell you. Mmm… Looks good. All right, ready? His ERA is freakin’ 2.91!

Matt Wieters – Hit his 11th homer yesterday and is batting .438 over the last week. Since people in fantasy are so fickle, Wieters should be undervalued next year because of his sub-par 2010, which means I might just own him.

Koji Uehara – 1/3 IP, 2 ER. Was only his first blown save so I think he’ll remain the closer, then again I didn’t think he should be the closer to begin with, so take what I know, wrap it in a Moo Shu Pancake and you’ll be confused again in an hour.

Josh Johnson – Had an MRI to see what’s his major malfunction. They found right shoulder inflammation. His next start was already scratched and now it’s sounding like they might shut him down for the year. Moving from Johnson to Dickey…

R.A. Dickey – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 1 K and his tenth win. He was in last week’s borderline starters post and will be in next week’s too because people refuse to add him.

Cole Hamels – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks. In 188 IP, he has 188 Ks, a 1.16 WHIP, 3.06 ERA and only 10 wins, or one more win than Tyler Clippard. Yeah, screw you, God of Wins and the horse of Quality Starts you rode in on.

Josh Fields – 4 for his last 8 as he hit third yesterday. I like him, but right now it looks like he’s 0nly starting vs. lefties.

Wilson Ramos – 2-for-3 with his 1st major league homer. Don’t think he has enough value in redraft leagues outside of a deep, two catcher league, but, if you can stash him in a dynasty league for a buck for next year, I wouldn’t be surprised if he sees more time than Pudge next year. It’s at least worth the flier to see how playing time shakes out next March.

Derek Holland – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. the Blue Kays. If you know your matchups, you’ll know what hand Holland throws with. Hint: The Kays are hitting .218 vs. lefties this year.

Ian Kinsler – 2-for-5 with the slam & legs. He has 8 homers and 11 steals on the year. Somewhere, Crapolanco says, “Hey, that’s my season!” I’ll like Kinsler next year when he’s drafted in the 6th round or so.

Justin Morneau – Could be out until the very end of the month with his concussion. Incredible. How do people miss so much time with a concussion? Don’t they have smelling salts in Minnesota? Did something go terribly wrong when they were cloning his mini me? You know, on The Island of Dr. Morneau.

Hanley Ramirez – Didn’t start yesterday due to back soreness. I wouldn’t say Hanley’s the ideal guy to demonstrate work ethic but so many players get lazy in September. Was talking with Rudy about how we need a glossary term for all of these players who are fine all year then give you nothing in September. I present to you… Septumblers.

Logan Morrison – 1-for-3 with 2 walks. His OBP is up to .431. And he played yesterday with a black eye. Too bad he doesn’t play for the Red Sox because Logan was a black eye for that city.

"

Razzball Fantasy Baseball Daily Post - September 8

Demi Moore tweeted these bikini pics a few days ago right after there were rumors that Ashton was cheating on her with a random silly blonde. Can you really blame him though? She does look pretty good in these pictures but you have to remember she is 47-years-old and has pooped 3 kids out of her furburger so that thing is probably more beat up than Mel Gibson's ex-wife. Too soon? Okay how about, that thing is probably more beat up than Rihanna after a car ride with Chris Brown.

As always, be sure to check out Razzball and consider donating to their site.

"

Yunesky, You Have Maya Tension

I wanna just throw away this first start by Yunesky Maya. Just ignore it. The reason why I’m having a hard time throwing it away, young Razzball reader, is because I watched him pitch. I’m no scout with fancy scouting degrees from fancy scouting schools where people chew toothpicks and spit chew. I just know what I see. And what I saw yesterday was a guy who throws junk. His stuff didn’t look very overpowering. Reminded me a bit of El Duque without the Funky Cold Delivery. Maybe Maya’s start yesterday was due to nerves. It’s not easy to live up to some recent Cuban raftees. Maya’s Cuban league numbers tell us he’s a guy who should be owned in keepers and dynasty leagues. He did, after all, win The Luis Tiant, the Cuban Cy Young award. And potentially even more enticing with Maya is he’s already 29-years-old, which means he should be in the prime of his career. In redraft leagues, losing to Dillon Gee, who sounds like a bank robber from the 1890s, isn’t a great confidence boost to recommend him for 2010. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Josh Hamilton – With me away on vacation for Labor Day, obviously no one took up the slack to pray every 2 hours towards Mecca that Hamilton wouldn’t get injured. Thanks, guys (and 3 girls)! (How was my vacation? Thanks for asking! It was all right. You know how when you don’t look at something for a while you come back to it with fresh eyes and see things differently? It’s the Jigsaw Puzzle Theorem as demonstrated by your 12-year-old nephew who can’t figure out how to complete the 101 Dalmatians jigsaw then, when he revisits it the next day, it all fits into place. That’s what happened with me. I had this stain dead center on my monitor for the better part of 3 months then, when I returned yesterday, I realized it was just dried tomato sauce and scratched it off with a fingernail. Puttanesca, you dirty sauce!)

Elvis Andrus – Will be out until Friday with hammy woes. I still like Elvis and his bedazzled upside for next year, but you need to find someone who’s producing this year in redraft leagues. (BTW, I have a fat Elvis picture across from my refrigerator in a room I call my kitsch’n.)

David Murphy – 3-for-4 and hitting .400 over the last week. Also hitting third with Hamilton out. He gets a lefty today (bleh) but then some righties.

Alex Rodriguez – The problem is for a lot of these players on contending teams, they’re not needed anymore in the regular season. And there’s the pickle with H2H leagues. A-Rod may coast the rest of the season, making sure he doesn’t re-injure himself. Hamilton’s in this cluster of muckety mucks too.

Jay Bruce – See Alex Rodriguez or 1/8th of an inch above.

Justin Upton – Then you have the opposite side of that same coin. The Diamondbacks aren’t anywhere near a playoff spot, so they won’t force Upton back into action.

Barry Enright – 6 IP, 6 ER. Uncle Barry violated my no-no area over and over again.

Vernon Wells – 3-for-3, 2 RBIs, 2 Runs and 2 homers. But I’m pretty sure Bautista actually hit one of those homers.

John Buck – 2-for-4 with his 17th homer. John Buck has 17 homers?! Make sure to sign the petition to have a humidor put in the Rogers Centre.

Dillon Gee – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. Gee, that’s great. Unfortunately, he had a 4.96 ERA in Triple-A this year. That’s a pass.

Ike Davis – 2-for-3 with his 18th homer. Now has 3 homers in his last 4 games and hitting .364 over the last week. Look at Ike smacking that pitch up.

Miguel Cabrera – Left the game with bicep tendinitis. He sat out last Friday’s game with this shizz so this isn’t a good sign that it reappeared. It could cost him a few days since the days of numbing the pain by doing body shots out off Miguel Olivo’s navel are in the past.

Billy Butler – According to a Royals’ beat writer, Butler was hurt taking a ground ball off his chest. Guess he wasn’t wearing his metal cone bra.

Ryan Madson – Got the Win and the blown save. Lidge wasn’t used because he has a sore elbow. Sore elbow on a guy who had elbow surgery is bad news. I’d grab Madson everywhere you need saves. Just remember, he has Cuddle Boy tendencies.

Shane Victorino – 2-for-5 with the slam & legs. For what it’s Wuertz, Victorino has 17 homers and 30 steals. You could argue that his average is a bit down this year, but that’s falling on deaf ears as far as I’m concerned.

Nolan Reimold – Well, lookie-lookie. If it ain’t the pot calling the kettle, where the hell you been? A preseason favorite of mine, Reimold hit a homer yesterday. He hasn’t been playing every day since his recall, but I may just like him again next year. You’ve been served (with info)!

B.J. Upton – 2-for-3, 3 Runs and a homer and steal. He has 15 homers and 39 steals. Again, if you’re crying about his average like it’s a knee scrap, go cry to Rudy because you’re not getting any sympathy from me.

James McDonald – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, e, i, e, i, o. I do like McDonald in the right matchups, but this start was against the Braves, who right now like they couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn with an Adam Dunn-driven tractor.

Brandon Lyon – You know what’s the strongest job approval you can get as a closer? When the other guy competing for the job says you’re the closer. That’s what Lindstrom said of Lyon the other day.

Brett Wallace – 1-for-4 with his 1st homer. He’s hitting .204 in 92 ABs. Maybe the 7 teams that traded him away might’ve known something. I’m not writing him off yet, but he’s looked like a White Castle hamburger if you were to replace the hamburger with a turd (assuming White Castle hasn’t done that already).

Jim Thome – He’s showing the young mollywhoppers how the old mollywhoppers used to mollwhop, i.e., he’s hit 4 homers in the last three games.

Josh Johnson – Due to back and side pain, Johnson was scratched from his next start. The chances of his porn star brother, Gosh Johnson, making the start for him are 50-50 if he can find his pants.

Gordon Beckham – Too bad he’s done so little this year to deserve a hand because he could use one right now. More than a week after the injury happened and he’s sitting out due to pain? This is reason to drop him in most leagues.

Trevor Hoffman – Recorded his 600th save. Here are some fun facts about what the world looked like when Hoffman recorded his first save in 1993. Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit had audiences Whoopified, Rick Astley called it quits at the age of 27, saying he won’t play another concert until he becomes an internet meme and Tipper Gore was going through Bill Clinton’s CD collection, removing suggestive titles. Oh, and Trevor Hoffman was still good.

Jhoulys Chacin – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. Mora made a mental error that led to Chacin’s two earned runs. If not for Mora, Chacin would still be pitching… Well, if the game was still going… And if there was a 12 hour rain delay and Chacin wasn’t officially removed yet. You get my point, Chacin pitched better than his line indicts.

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-3 with his 14th steal in 34 games. If you don’t love Young, you don’t love yourself. Find someone to talk to.

Justin Masterson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. Now has three straight starts of two earned runs given up or less. He gets the Angels again next. Not without its risk, but if you need to take a gamble, there ya go.

Mat Latos – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks. With the Padres pennant race going down to the wire, Latos is probably going to go way over his innings limit. Cust kayin’.

Colby Rasmus – Sounds like Pujols hates Rasmus’ stupid face and thinks he should leave the Cards this offseason. In related Cards news, no word on whether the Cards 2nd best hitter will be attending the annual Israeli event that shares his name — “Challah Day.”

"

Strasburg Likely Needs Tommy John Surgery

Stephen Strasburg has a torn elbow ligament and will most likely need Tommy John surgery, ending his rookie season. This is a giant loss for the Nationals and baseball in general because Strasburg was a HUGE draw for the Nat's usually boring games. Strasburg was pulled from Saturday's game in Philly (fuck Philly) after feeling a discomfort in his elbow after a pitch. At first, the Nationals thought it was nothing more than a strained flexor tendon, until an MRI revealed much more damage. Strasburg will fly to the West Coast to receive another MRI in hope for better news. They are not optimistic about getting that news though.

GM Mike Rizzo gave this comment about the phenom:
""As you can imagine, he was initially upset. But he has really turned himself from being upset to being focused on his rehabilitation. He's determined to get the surgery done and begin the process of rehabilitation."



Tommy John surgery is a very serious procedure and requires 12-18 months of rehab. Some pitchers have fallen off after the surgery (Kerry Wood) and others have gone on to have great careers (Chris Carpenter).


Source

Razzball Fantasy Baseball Daily Post - August 25

Miss Mexico Jimena Navarrete was crowned Miss Universe on Monday night. I'd imagine watching one of these pageants would be about as exciting as watching Soap Operas all day. The only good part is the pictures of sillies that come from it and the fact that Donald Trump owns the pageant so you know it won't stop for money issues. It's good to see Mexico is exporting things other than baseball players these days. Branching out never hurt anyone - except for Frank Lucas.

As always, be sure to check out Razzball and consider donating to their site.

"

Dude, That's Some Really Nice Bud

Hello, new readers. No, this isn’t High Times dot com, but don’t worry there’s Doritos at the end of this post. Hey, don’t skip ahead. You have to read the post first. Yes, the computer is talking to you. Aw, I’m just messing with you. The computer’s not talking to you. You’re just reading, silly! So, Bud Norris didn’t come out of nowhere to be my new Razzpick du jour. Yesterday, he went six innings, giving up one run and K’d 4. In the not-too-decent past, I mentioned liking his upside. For our friends in Latin America, the caveat is his wildness. The love comes from the fact he has more Ks than innings. There’s only ten other starters with more than 110 innings in the major leagues that can claim that. That’s one starter for every finger. Unless Antonio Alfonseca is reading this. The wildness is still there, but he hasn’t walked more than 3 batters in a game since April. I’d absolutely grab Norris for the last month if I needed Ks (who doesn’t?) and some upside (of course you do). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Chris Johnson – 4-for-6, 1 RBI in a 16th inning game that saw Roy Oswalt play left field and Tim Kurkjian’s voice cracking at the sheer craziness of the game. Can you believe this game, fellas?!

Ryan Howard – 0-for-7 with 5 Ks before he was ejected. That’s the golden early shower sombrero.

Ian Kinsler – Received good news that he’s about week away from trying to re-injure himself again in the major leagues. Here’s to that next injury, Kinsler!

Luke Scott – Three straight games now with a homer. He has 25 homers on the year. I.e., the same as Adrian Gonzalez and Prince Fielder. Luck my fife.

Bobby Jenks – When Putz came out injured (zipper problem?), Jenks came in and sealed the deal with a perfect save. With Thornton headed to the DL, Jenks is your closer.

Hong-Chih Kuo – And Broxton is not your closer. Or at least he wasn’t last night. Broxton was the closer on Saturday then his next time out he looked like how Torre treats Kemp. I imagine Kuo will get another save or two until Broxton can get his shizz together.

Matt Kemp – Notched a slam & legs as the Dodgers somehow made due without Pods’ grit and wily veteranship. Perhaps Ronnie Belliard’s determinedness and Manny’s insouciance made up for it.

Chad Billinsgley – Will have his next start pushed back to Saturday because of a tweaked calf. Hopefully he doesn’t go ice skating on his time off.

Jorge de la Rosa – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks. You might feel like you need bulbs the size of onions to start some of these guys, but dlR hasn’t given up more than 3 runs in over a month.

Eric Young Jr. – 3-for-4 with his 9th steal. He’s leading off every game and stealing. You really shouldn’t need more.

Javier Vazquez – Moving to the bullpen for a little while while (stutterer!) Ivan Nova takes over his starting spot. Vazquez should’ve been dropped months ago; now you have no excuse. I went over Nova yesterday, you can get to it from here with a little ingenuity. The gist: Always drink your Novaltine!

Carlos Zambrano – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. I’ll cop to grabbing Big Z in one league. Hey, if you can’t beat ‘em or file a restraining order…

Carlos Marmol – 1 1/3 IP, 3 ER. Your Ks make me so happy, your wildness makes me so sad. It’s bittersweet, more sweet than bitter, bitter than sweet, Big Head Todd.

Tyler Colvin – 2-for-3 with a homer as he hit in the eight hole. Big change from when Lou was batting him leadoff. The eight hole for NL hitters is death.

Matt Holliday – 1-for-4 with his 22nd homer. He’s doing what you hoped Markakis would do and Josh Hamilton’s doing what you hoped Holliday would do. Maybe finally next year people won’t expect the Holliday of Coors to still show up.

Evan Meek – Recorded the save with 1 IP, 1 ER and 4 baserunners, bringing his August ERA to 8.59. His name is looking more and more like an aptronym. Hanrahanananan hasn’t been much better, so the Pirates may just play matchups, using both relievers. Yes, a shituation that already yielded next to no saves just got worse.

Jose Tabata – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and a steal. Steal-tuh-batta-batta-steal!

Kila Ka’aihue – The Good Eyein’ Hawai’ian hit his first homer of the year. Can grab him in AL-Only leagues, but for now hold your junk in mixed leagues.

Rick Porcello – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks. That’s nice, but he has a 5.26 ERA in August. Porcello a mushroom cloud away from a blow up.

Ryan Raburn – 2-for-4 with his 8th homer. I’ve already mentioned on a few occasions that I like Raburn. Raburn’s the horse, and it’s been beat.

Jhonny Peralta – Now 5 for his last 7. So far Silent H has been deadly for your fantasy teams, so I’d try and maintain my jhoy.

Will Rhymes – 2-for-4, getting comical how much he’s been getting on base (.476 over the last week) and still doesn’t have a steal. You got the rhyming, now bring on the stealing!

Hideki Matsui – 3-for-5 and hitting near-.400 in the last week. Still only has 2 homers this month, but if the million other hitters I’d own before Matsui are taken, here ya go.

Mike Napoli – Sat out again as the Angels placed him on waivers. It’s pretty normal for teams to place guys on waivers, but the irony is (if it is irony… no one has any idea what irony is), if the Angels were to see a team place a 20 homer 1st baseman on waivers and they didn’t know who he was, they would want him. Seriously, Napoli, apologize for sleeping with Scioscia’s wife. You were drunk, it’s all good. Bros before, well, you know.

Clayton Richard – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks. Guess where he pitched. Yup.

Will Venable – 2-for-3 with a slam & legs. Was his 6th steal in his last ten games. Yes, he really is this fast.

Gaby Sanchez – 2-for-3 and 3 homers in his last five games and now has 15 home runs on the year. Looks like someone didn’t like that I compared him to Lyle Overbay. Well, Lyle Overbay has 16 homers. Cust kayin’.

Travis Wood – 4 IP, 7 ER. Damn, roofied.

Brandon Phillips – 3-for-5 with 2 homers. He’s on an insane hot streak right now. One four-hit and two three-hit nights in his last five, three-oh-nine.

Freddy Sanchez – 4-for-4, 4 Runs and a homer. The game before, 4-for-5. Since Freddy got fingered to platoon with Fontenot, he’s hitting near .450.

Pat Burrell – 0-for-3 as the Giants scored 16 runs. Ticker tease!

Coco Crisp – 3-for-5, with a homer and a steal. Last night was a huge night for slams & legses.

Angel Pagan – 4-for-5, 3 Runs and his 31st steal. Do you realize Angel Pagan is a top ten fantasy outfielder according to ESPN’s Player Rater? Sure, steals are overvalued on that thing, but that’s still kinda crazy.

R.A. Dickey – 7 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks. Starts like this happen because of the unpredictable nature of the knuckleball. On a sidenote, this game saw Dickey going against Johnson. Sounds less like a baseball game and more like a sword fight.

"

Razzball Fantasy Baseball Daily Post - August 24

*Click to enlarge*

Emmanuel Chriqui (Sloane from Entourage) just did a photo shoot for the show and if you didn't already love her, these pictures are going to make you want to take up acting to try and get closer to her. Or become a paparazzi. Or just take the easy route and stalk her. I'm no expert in photography but I bet every photographer knows when he just took something so perfect it will give him the cash to fund his Lego habit another year. That's what we have here - Lego funding quality pictures. There are 27 more pictures after the jump if you get bored with these 2.

As always, be sure to check out Razzball and consider donating to their site.

"

Call The Dream Police Cuz Bautista's 2010 Feels Like A Cheap Trick

Jose Bautista hit his 39th and 40th home runs last night. As frequent commenter, VinWins, pointed out yesterday, in the Blue Kays last 162 games, Bautista has 50 homers. Okay, I was way off with this guy, but Jose Bautista didn’t see this year coming. His own mother doesn’t recognize him. Every morning he wakes up wondering if the last five months were a dream. This is the craziest home run year since Scooter McGillicuddy blasted 6 homers in 1901 while battling scurvy. Bautista hadn’t hit 30 homers in the past two years combined in twice as many games. His HR/FB% is nearly double his career mark. His fly balls are through the roof, literally. His Isolated Power is near Babe Ruth’s career mark. The HR department thinks Bautista lied on his resume. A mouth enters on the left side of the screen and says, “Im,” a mouth enters on the right side and says, “Probable.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brandon Morrow – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks. Hello, beautiful. I hate AL East pitchers, but I might just own Morrow on all of my teams next year. Right after, I draft Daniel Hudson.

Ivan Nova – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. In the minors, he had a 2.86 ERA in 145 IP and around a 7 K/9 rate. He’s not guaranteed another start, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see him face the A’s next week. It’s not a terrible spot starter for the Yankees or for your fantasy team. And he would’ve made a great pitcher-catcher combination with Mike Scioscia.

Jeremy Bonderman – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks. Decent enough start, but he’s coming off 3 atrocious games and has a 5.27 ERA on the year. You want an ulcer? Ask your girlfriend which friend of yours she would sleep with if you weren’t dating her. Don’t pickup Bonderman.

Brett Myers – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 9 Ks. Gets the win in his first start against his old team. When asked how it felt to beat the Phillies, he said, “I’ll always love the Phillies but sometimes you have to beat the ones you love.”

Joe Blanton – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks. Actually outpitched Myers and has 3 decent starts in his last four and goes to Petco next.

James Shields – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 10 Ks. Now has back-to-back quality starts, but has a 4.76 ERA on the year and gets the Sawx next. I’d look elsewhere if you can.

Michael Bourn – 3-for-4, 2 SBs. That’s now a robust .252 with 1 HR and 27 RBIs to go with the 42 SBs. Someone is running for presidency of the SAGNOF Foundation when Juan Pierre’s term expires.

Blake DeWitt – 3-for-5 with his 4th homer. His power and speed are very limited, but he’s hitting over .350 in the last week.

Casey Coleman – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks. He had an under 5 K/9 in the minor leagues this year. That’s longhand for blech.

Stephen Strasburg – Headed to the DL with a strained flexor tendon but the Nats’ GM Rizzo wouldn’t rule out Strasburg from pitching again this year. If I may read between the lines, Ratso is saying, “Please continue to buy tickets with the hope Strasburg will pitch again even though he’s not. Thank you for your patronage.”

Jordan Zimmerman – J. Z’s coming back again. He’s got 99 problems but a pitch ain’t one. This Thursday he returns after putting up a 1.59 ERA in the minors with nearly a K/IP. Last year, 92 Ks in 91 1/3 IP. I’d absolutely grab him in all leagues.

Edinson Volquez – 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 8 baserunners. This is only his 2nd bad start out of 7 this year but his lack of control (more than 6 BB/9 IP) makes him a very risky mixed-league start. I wouldn’t play Volquez unless it was MLB-sponsored Scrabble.

Alberto Callaspo – 2-for-4 and batting over .400 in the last week. Also, batting near-.350 in August. Not going to give you much power or speed, but he’s hitting for average and batting third.

Andres Torres – 1-for-3 with his 13th homer. Still not clear how Cody Ross is working into the picture, but I’m guessing Torres’ playing time should be relatively safe. Guillen and Burrell might have some splainin’ to do.

Rich Harden – Came off the DL to throw 6 2/3 hitless innings. It seems like he always has a great start coming off the DL. Unfortunately, those have been his only good 5 starts all season.

Jeff Mathis – 0-for-3 with 2 Ks. Batting .197 on the year. Has played 5 of the last six games. Napoli leads the Angels in homers. Napoli leads the major leagues in homers by catchers. Napoli sat yesterday.

Jim Edmonds – Pulled from the game with a strained oblique that he injured while swinging. Same thing once happened to a creepy guy at Hedonism. Stubbs could see more playing time as a result. That’s a pretty lukewarm endorsement of Stubbs.

Todd Helton – 4-for-4 as he answers the question, “Is Helton retired?”

Carlos Gonzalez – 2-for-3 with his 20th steal. Good to see him run since he just returned from a knee injury.

Ross Ohlendorf – After giving up a walk and a single, he left with a shoulder injury. Call him Ailindorf.

Jose Tabata – 3-for-4 with his 13th steal as he bats .381 in his last 7 games. I’m still on the fence with how much I’m going to like Tabata next year. Feel free to push me one way or the other.

John Lackey/Kyle Lohse – Both have had painful seasons but had great starts. Of course, it was against Seattle and Pittsburgh respectively. Those two teams score less than the Chess Club.

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Razzball Fantasy Baseball Daily Post - August 23

Kelly Brook has been getting naked a ridiculous amount these days and I'm pretty sure it's not enough. Two weeks ago I posted pictures of her at a Reebok advertising campaign for their new shoes in London. She posed naked for that ad campaign. This time she's on the cover of "Love Magazine". She also recently posed nude for Playboy and has a naked lesbian make-out scene in Piranha 3D (which somehow has an 81% on Rotten Tomatoes right now). Although, it's all nerds who write for RT so an 81% for a movie with a 3D lesbian make-out scene shouldn't really surprise anyone.

As always, be sure to check out Razzball and consider donating to their site.

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National Emergency

‘Uh-oh’ doesn’t really do the sight of Stephen Strasburg throwing a pitch and shaking his elbow in pain. Word is now he might go see Dr. Freeze. Usually a visit to Dr. Freeze means the pitcher will be out for at least a year. I think a visit to Dr. Freeze in this case would just mean the Nats are being very cautious. It’s like when your Schnauzer has a bellyache and the vet tells you he’ll be fine, but you’re so worried about Arfer Woofruff that you disguise him as a little old man and seek a second opinion from a gastroenterologist. If you own Strasburg in keeper leagues, I’d cross your fingers, toes and the street to your religious house of worship and pray for good news. In redraft leagues, you can hold him for a day or two until it’s official, but I can’t imagine he’s pitching again this year. Riggleman said, “I don’t even know if he’s playing catch tomorrow. The doctor might say, ‘Don’t pick up a ball.’ The doctor might say, ‘This looks fine, this is normal pitching stuff, go get ‘em.’ But I doubt it.” All I’m saying is you don’t take Arfer to a gastroenterologist then immediately to the park to play catch with a frisbee. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Psyche! Before we get into the roundup, just wanted to give people a heads up that we have a big announcement coming this afternoon, please check back later. No, I’m not shaving my mustache. Anyway II, here’s the roundup:

Alex Rodriguez – Out for 15 days because the Yankees need A-Rod to be healthy for the playoffs and he has an appointment to get his tips frosted.

Austin Kearns – 1-for-4 with a homer yesterday. Now has a hit in his 11 games. Unfortunately, it’s not the Yankees last 11 games, which makes Kearns hard to play unless you can platoon him in and out of your lineup.

Robinson Cano – 2-for-5, 6 RBIs and his 25th homer to match his career high. A career year usually leads January Grey to evaluate a player to see if he’s going to be overrated. January Grey is in Nepal giving spiritual guidance to the Beastie Boys, so I’m not sure but I don’t think Cano will be labeled overrated next year. He’s a top 2nd baseman.

Kevin Slowey – To the DL with a strained right triceps. (Or is that tricep? Is it just a onecep?) Before he went to the DL, Slowey left you with a 3 IP, 4 ER game on Saturday to remember him by. If you’re wondering when he’s due to return, I suggest you take a step back and think about why you stay in abusive relationships.

Ricky Nolasco – Has a torn menicus, which is not the thing your great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather used to count. The Marlins are hoping he misses just one start. If he’s out for the season, which I think he will be, Nolasco’s done everyone a great favor. For someone who has a 4.38 career ERA and is routinely overrated, now his value should come back to earth.

Cody Ross – The 29-year-old was grabbed by the Giants as Sabean infuses his outfield with youth. The Giants now have more DHs then a majority of AL teams. Do the Giants play 4 outfielders? Are they planning on giving the middle finger to the NL and using a DH? All valid questions. I have to think this hurts ABs for Burrell (though it shouldn’t with the way he’s swinging the bat), Guillen and Ross. Hopefully Torres continues to see at least 5 games a week. Taking over for Ross in Florida…

Cameron Maybin – Perennial Razzball favorite-slash-bust returns to the Marlins outfield. Maybin still has plenty of time to reach his potential at the major league level, but I’d hold expectations in check for the last five weeks. He’s only a 10/20 player over the course of a season. Break that into one month and it’s just a’ight, which is shade under a’ight and much less than a’ight a’ight. In NL-Only leagues or keepers, you have to grab him for his upside.

Jason Heyward – 4-for-4, 4 RBIs, 4 Runs and 2 homers. Really hoping there’s not too many more of these games this year so Heyward comes into next year relatively affordable– Oh, who am I kidding, he’s going to be so hyped next year.

Mike Minor – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 12 Ks. *Grey drools*

Omar Infante – 4-for-6, 2 homers, 4 Runs and 4 RBIs. Buh-but, Grey, can Infante keep this up? Who cares, random italicized voice? There’s just over a month left of the season. Play Infante while he’s hitting. Don’t get your mustache all in a bunch, was just asking.

Josh Thole – Will be the Mets’ everyday catcher. Having a hard time coming up with another positive so let’s leave it at that.

Juan Gutierrez – Got the save on Saturday and now it’s questionable who’s the closer in Arizona. I think it should be Demel, I thought the Diamondbacks would go with Heilman and now Gutierrez is getting saves. You figure that one out.

Dustin Pedroia – Sometimes Sparky Anklebiters can get so amped with leave-it-all-on-the-fieldness that they lose sight of the big picture and rush back too soon. That was the case here and now that case is closed for another two weeks.

Wilson Betemit – I picked up Betemit as a fluke about a week ago. He has four homers while batting over .300 in that time. Every bone in your body tells you you shouldn’t own Betemit, but why are you listening to bones? Is that some voodoo shizz?

Will Rhymes – 4-for-5 with 3 Runs, but still hasn’t stole a base. Someone needs to give Rhymes the 411 on where his fantasy value lies.

Michael Wuertz – At some point during the weekend, he lost the closer job and then Bailey returned anyway, making the whole closerousel moot.

Tommy Hunter – 8 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 0 Ks vs. O’s. Decent enough rebound for a guy who sounds like he has a Witness Protection name. His 42 Ks in 85 2/3 innings makes him pretty blahing to own.

Luke Scott – Two games, two homers. Luke, you are not waiver wire fodder.

Ty Wigginton – Has two homers in the last two games too, and deuces are wild.

Joel Hanrahan – Gets the save to remind people that he’s the closer that never gets any save chances.

Jaime Garcia – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks. Remarkably (to me, at least), his season ERA is still at 2.42. I can almost guarantee I won’t be owning Garcia next year.

Bobby Jenks – Threw three innings yesterday as Ozzie went with the ol’ “If you don’t like your closer, throw him until he’s injured” approach.

Ryan Braun – Hit his 18th homer yesterday. I.e., two homers less than Mike Napoli. Or one homer more than Bill Hall. Um, dubya-tee-eff, Braun?

Jhoulys Chacin – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks. It’s pronounced Yo-lease. It’s Spanish for pick him up.

Daniel Hudson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks. Hudson’s name sounds familiar. Oh, I know, he’s the guy I’ve mentioned you should pick up for the last three weeks. Yeah, that’s right.

Jeanmar Gomez – 3 IP, 7 ER. Hopefully not too many of you went with this Cleveland Streamer.

Jonathan Broxton – 2/3 IP, 2 ER. Please make sure you sign the ‘Die Jonathan Broxton’ petition.

Rod Barajas – Nothing says last-ditch effort to help your team like grabbing a .225 hitting catcher off waivers. Nothing says giving up like trying to trade away Manny Ramirez. Nothing says mixed signals like these moves in tandem.

Matt Kemp – Homers in back-to-back games as the Dodgers announced that Kemp would be put into purgatorre with Scott Podsednik and him sharing playing time. Torre said, Kemp would get more time than Podsednik, but Kemp doesn’t have Pods’ grit and wily veteranship. Is Torre trying to put the best team on the field or looking for a backup quarterback? I Googled ‘grit and wily veteran’ and I found John McCain. How about we put him in center?!

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